The Master of None star Aziz Ansari, in fact, just really bad in bed

The jury is still out on whether Aziz Ansari sexually assaulted a 23-year old Brooklyn photographer, but if her story of their encounter is true, one thing is for sure, Aziz Ansari sucks in bed. 

The unnamed woman reported that she met Ansari at a party and were both flirtatious. They kept in touch and went out a few days later. The photographer stated that at one point during the date, he started kissing her and a second later his hands were on her breast. Then Ansari said he was going to grab a condom. The photographer asked Mr. Ansari to slow down, and then he briefly performed oral sex on her and asked that she do the same. 

According to the photographer, the 34-year old Ansari’s move was to take his two fingers in a V-shape and put them in her mouth. He would then take his two wet fingers and move them to her nether regions. Yuck. Did we mention he’s 34?

After rebuffing his advances several times, while watching TV,  she says he kissed her again, stuck his fingers down her throat again, and moved to undo her pants. He then gave her gross, forceful kisses.

We contacted sexual expert Katherine Boyle on the subject, when told of how the night unfolded, she was aghast. Not because of the sexual assault charge, but by just how bad Mr. Ansari was in bed.  “No woman wants a guy’s fingers with god-knows what on them in her mouth. Yuck, gross. And this was like their first date! Then he says he has to get a condom within minutes! God, have you ever heard of foreplay? Come on man, this is 2018. Read a book about sex and what a woman wants for Christ’s sake. Put down the porn, and read a god-damned book about making love!” A clearly exasperated Ms. Boyle said: “no matter how many women you've dated, sometimes you just don't have the skills.”

SocietyBryan FlynnComment