Hollywood regrets not green-lighting a Human Resources department

Hollywood regrets not green-lighting a Human Resources department

After another Hollywood star was taken down for sexual harassment allegations, the major Hollywood studios including Disney, Warner Brothers, Fox, Sony, Lionsgate and Universal are all now regretting not greenlighting the all-important Human Resources department. A place where employees, working in the entertainment industry, could go file actual complaints against actual sexual harassers.

Kevin Tsujihara, head of Warner Brothers Studios, in a slight mea culpa took partial blame: “I saw the rough draft for a Human Resources department, but it was so new to us, we had to pass."

“We are talking about a place where employees can file a grievance against a major actor, right?"

Head of Sony pictures Michael Lynton concurred. “I remember seeing this plan for a “Project Human Resources” back in the 90’s, but we had so much money rolling in that had to go back into the business of entertaining the masses, we just didn’t have the time for it.

Katherine Engel, a Human Resources executive said, “HR is the norm for every single business. If one of our employees was caught forcibly pushing another employee into a room, threatening their career and then masturbating in front of them and ejaculating into a plant, that employee would immediately be terminated.”

As of this writing, plans are underway to form HR departments in Hollywood. The project is moving forward, but slowly, said another unnamed exec. “You can’t rush actors. They have a creative process that we respect, even if it means breaking the law and abusing women.” A sign of progress was seen earlier this week when production was slowed on “Guardians of the Galaxy 3” so the entire cast and crew could attend a sensitivity training during their lunch break. 

Cover Photo: Survivors of sexual harassment, sexual assault, sexual abuse and their supporters protest during a #MeToo march in Hollywood, California on November 12, 2017.

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