North Koreans Urge Olympians to Bring Home the Gold and Anything else that is Not Nailed Down

Kim Jong-un in a speech at the national state dinner urged the Olympians representing his country to bring home the gold and anything else they can get their hands on. The North Korean dictator spoke for over an hour suggesting items the Olympians could “borrow” from their southern hosts.

“Olympians, you are making your country proud, and we would love to see some medals.  We’d also like to see stuff like soap.” Jong-un went on, “seriously, it’s free in the hotels, so take it along with some shampoo and conditioner, and even that small bottle of lotion. And if you see the housekeeper’s cart in the hallway, reach in and take whatever you can. Just make sure they’re not looking. A pillowcase works great, and you should bring those back too.”

Dear leader continued as guests in attendance dined on tree bark and hot water. “You are there for two weeks, if they leave a chocolate on your bed every night, that’s like fourteen pieces of chocolate all of you can bring back.  And sometimes there’s free apples in the lobby, look around for those as well.”

After that, Jong-un went on a rant of things that can be taken at the Olympics ceremonies like every single thing leftover on the buffet tables. And not to forget the wifi passwords just in case. He then urged the Olympians to try to smuggle a generator or two home, in one of their bobsleds.


Cover Photo by Ahn Young-joon via Associated Press

SocietyBryan FlynnComment