Unemployment Rate Hits All-time High in the White House

Hope Hicks has stepped down as White House Communications Director under Donald Trump making her the 37th person in the current administration that is now looking for a new job. With that, the unemployment rate at 1300 Pennsylvania Ave has now reached 75%, which ironically, is two times the President’s approval rating.

Reports speak of a White House in chaos. Some staffers have reportedly not even set up their desks, knowing it might be moot by the end of the day. Most are calling it a “revolving door between heaven and hell.”

“People are dropping like flies.” One White House aide speaking on condition of complete anonymity confided. “If I’m seen talking to you, I could get fired, if I don’t replace the toilet paper after I’ve used the last sheet, I could be fired. If I walk by you and don’t say ‘hello’ even though we just saw each other and said ‘hello’ two minutes ago, I’m done. That’s life around here.”  The agitated aide said as their phone lit up. “Shit! I just got a message. They want to see me in HR.  Shit! That’s it. Time to grab whatever offices supplies are left.” The visibly shaken aide said as he walked away sobbing. “Tell the world my story.”

After the Hicks resignation, the current staff was seen setting up a booth at a local job fair looking for possible recruits to fill such positions as Ambassador to Japan or National Security Adviser as the White House is preparing to replace H.R. McMaster who is expected to step down shortly.  The booth is located next to a local cable company, and across from the Avon booth.

A list of those that have left the Trump administration. 

Hope Hicks

Sally Yates

James B. Comey

Rich Higgins

Derek Harvey

Anthony Scaramucci

Michael Flynn

Katie Walsh

K.T. McFarland

Tera Dahl

Michael Short

Reince Priebus

Ezra Cohen-Watnick

Stephen K. Bannon

Sebastian Gorka

William Bradford

Tom Price

Jamie Johnson

Carl Higbie

Omarosa Manigault

Taylor Weyeneth

Rob Porter

Michael Dubke

Walter Shaub

Mark Corallo

Sean Spicer

Elizabeth Southerland

Carl Icahn

George Sifakis

Maliz Beams

Elizabeth Shackelford

Paul Winfree

Dina Powell

Jeremy Katz

Thomas Shannon

John Feeley

Rick Dearborn