Why Are Women Often Against One Another?

As women we are so critical of one another. Why is that? Is it jealousy or society’s influence? Do we truly have to put others down to pick ourselves up?

There is nothing more beautiful than a woman giving another woman a compliment. And yes, it is happening more and more. I am sure you have seen the posts online about the beauty of two drunk girls complimenting each other in the bathroom at a party. But why is that a drunk girl moment? Why isn’t it an all the time moment? Whether online or in person, there is still so much negativity often outweighing the positives, and it is especially potent when it comes to our looks.

Yes, when your best friend asks if that top looks good on her and it isn’t her most flattering color, tell her. She asked for your honest opinion. But putting down a woman on Instagram that you don’t even know for no reason is unnecessary, not to mention cruel and frankly anti-feminist, and a sign of unconscious weakness. 

As a feminist you cannot pick and choose which women you support. You can choose to live your life however you please, but you are to give that same freedom and respect to all other women. That includes women who choose to wear bras or not to, who love makeup or don’t, who dress conservatively or not.

Yet, it seems that so many women are unaware of this. By taking one look at the comments section of a woman’s Instagram post you will often find crude comments from men, but even more critical and body shaming comments from fellow women. Which to me is almost worse. How can we expect men to treat us with respect and look past our bodies to view us as actual equals if we can’t even do that for each other?

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Tina Fey’s character in Mean Girls was totally right in the moment. Attacking and undermining one another for the simplest things such as how we dress, or even how we look give more ammo to men to treat us badly. We cannot preach equal rights and demand to be treated with respect, while not practicing it ourselves. Everything we fight for on a daily basis from safety to equality at work and home is forsaken if we don't offer our fellow women those same things we are demanding.

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When a woman posts a photo of herself it is often because she felt confident. And other women attacking her about her weight, clothes, skin, makeup, and life choices not only affects her self-esteem, but perpetuates the "hating" mindset. These sorts of comments do more harm than the writers can realize. And it is not a matter of keeping your rude thoughts to yourself, but rather… Why are you thinking that way?

Defining a woman based on your opinion of her does nothing. I have never seen someone who leaves a mean comment feel better afterwards. It is a form of bullying and we cannot solely depend on platforms like Instagram and Twitter to control this. We have to start by looking in the mirror ourselves. Remember that "every time you mistreat someone, you reveal the part of you that lacks love and needs to heal."

It is time to spread positivity, lifting each other up, supporting one another. We do not all have to agree on the “right” way to be. To some, that is removing all body hair, to others it is going au naturale, and no matter what beauty is to you, it does not give you the right to judge someone for what they are doing. Maybe you are saving yourself until marriage, that’s great. But it doesn’t mean you should attack those who aren’t. Maybe you are putting your career first and don’t want kids, good for you. But you shouldn’t attack a stay at home mom. Maybe you have sworn off makeup, that doesn’t mean it is okay to hate on someone wearing false lashes.

As women, we forget that our personal opinions are not the only ones that are right. It is our responsibility as women to stop being so critical of one another and start being the kind of feminists that have each other’s backs through thick and thin, regardless of our differences.

We all have personal stories constantly evolving shaping who we are, so be kind, be compassionate, be that person you want to see in the world. 

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